Benefits FAQ

I often don't know what I think until I talk it out. Maybe you're the same. Talking things over with someone independent of your situation gives you valuable perspective on that situation. Going one step further, being brave and selecting a coach as a critical friend, challenges your habitual ways of thinking, opening up potential new approaches to old problems. Such an ongoing coaching relationship formalises this reappraisal process, allowing you to begin to see yourself differently, much like a Fitbit tracker allows you to see yourself from the perspective of data rather from the  usual stories we tell ourselves. With Existential Coaching, you'll start to catch glimpses of yourself from a new perspective, that of how you ARE in the world around you, a view we seldom see. And we'll be together on this gentle journey of discovery, to celebrate your new found commitment to seeing more. Once you've found that resolution for self-improvement, there'll be no stopping where and how you'll apply those new-found perspectives. 

No big deal: you don't need to. We hear the terms existential crisis and existential threat in news broadcasts & podcasts - listen out for it, and judge for yourself what's meant. Those terms generally mean things aren't looking good for the entity or individual involved. Existential just points to the most fundamental aspects of yourself, that's all. Having a sense of profound boredom or purposelessness is just as much existential as having feelings of anxiety at things speeding off-the-rails. It just means something precious in your life is in jeopardy. Existential coaching, as perhaps you can begin to see, focuses on getting you more comfortable with facing these crises, building your resilience, so that you come to see these existential episodes as positive opportunities. Make a resolution right now to explore what existence means for you.

What sort of coaching conversations have you had up to now? I imagine they've been focused on doing something, achieving a goal and what it takes to reach that goal. Existential Coaching switches that focus from doing to BEING, what it means to 'be' in the world, an aspect of yourself which comes before everything else about you, way before your 'doing' of anything. The benefits of this are:

1. Be a better, nicer, a more thoughtful and compassionate person.
2. Be an original thinker, someone respected for bucking the trend.
3. Be someone who serves humanity.

And if you don't regard these as benefits to you and/or to society, I don't believe you.

To get you at least to start thinking differently, to the above ends, Toby's Existential Coaching Online uses a deck of 60 Philosophy Cards to challenge you to see what it means to 'be' in the world anew, from the vastly differing perspectives of a bunch of ancient & modern thinkers from across the world. You'll have heard of some of them, maybe not others, but they're all drawn from the cannon of historically recognised philosophers (my principle reference is the Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy - Third Edition, 2015). It's dead simple - you choose someone from the deck you like the look of, and we talk about why you've chosen them. I've found it's easier this way to creep up on an existential concern using the cards than to confront an existential fear head-on. You don't need to be a deep thinker to start this process.

Once comfortable with this method of surfacing what's most precious to you, we'll move on to the 4 marks of existence to unpack this some more: these 4-marks are a centuries old method of dialectic that push through seeming paradoxes of existence. 

We move at your pace. You'll benefit from being engaged with this process, becoming excited at encountering such a wealth of thinking, and gain confidence sharing this discursive method with significant others.

If you can ask, and to a certain extent answer, tough questions like "What's my purpose in life? Why do I exist?" then you can tackle pretty much any challenge thrown at you, in and out of work. Assuming you need to be tough to be in the situation you're in, Existential Coaching grows your comfort at confronting your own existential threats, allowing you to channel that new-found courage & fluency back at the challenges you're facing. 

Better still, do everyone a favour and find out whether the job is still relevant to you, given what you'll have found out.

It's safe to assume your boss (your manager, partner, gang, or mum) expects you to flourish in your continuing professional development as much for their benefit as yours. Well, as they say, the appetite grows from eating, and your bosses are going to want some of the pie you're eating when they see how you're approaching life with renewed vigour, fearlessness and with a strange confidence others envy. It's not a matter of convincing so much as modelling what your bosses want of themselves. These are just some of the benefits of switching your focus from doing like everyone else does to being like no one else can be.

Existential Coaching has nothing to do with being academic! But if, as a result of our sessions together, you end up being able to hold down a conversation about some obscure ancient philosopher - about how that thinking opens up a whole new way of appreciating your existence - and your peers start calling you academic, then I apologise in advance. If peers start coming to you for advice and call you 'Doc', then you know Existential Coaching is having a positive effect. I'd say that's not a bad reputation to have. But know also that it's just the start of a much longer journey.

As the saying goes, You can't change with world with ideas alone: but without ideas you can't change the world. Cherish the fact that you work for an organisation that  not only champions your professional development, but one that encourages you to come up with some of those new ideas that'll change the world. We live in perilous times, and the complex and subtle problems we face require complex and subtle solutions. Your organisation needs people like you to think complex and subtle thoughts, and should feel proud you've come up with the resolution to take on this responsibility.

To paraphrase Ernest Shackleton, the polar explorer: WANTED: people to undertake hazardous journey to the edge of existence and back. Darkness & danger guaranteed; honour and recognition if successful. Obviously, in the case of Existential Coaching Online, the perilous journey IS the destination. But if you still want an assured outcome before you've even started, allow me to sell you the following proposition: Where you start this journey will be where you end up, only wiser. What you thought you were lacking at the start turns out to be exactly what you need to avoid in the end. Let's start the conversation if you're intrigued.

Wouldn't you rather have a guide, philosopher and friend along with you on your journey of self-improvement, someone who's travelled that same road? You don't find too many ex-Zen monks in this world, not ones with expertise in executive development and a knack for existential philosophy in a handy card pack. Dunno about you, but I learn something from everyone I meet. I know already I'll learn something from you who are reading this trying to make up your mind whether to go with me. 

Throw a dice to decide, or consult the i-Ching like I sometimes do - so often do our habitual & rational patterns of thought confound us. Either way, there's nothing to lose from a free 15-30 First Get Together.

I always tell people, Deep down I'm very shallow. That's because there's no such thing as deep. Deep is exotic and alluring, yes, but it takes a lot of effort to maintain. You already have all you need without a fathomless deep: you're amazing as you are and not missing anything - except perhaps a reminder that it's all here for you right now in the quotidian (such a great word). But if you do want to sound deep, then quoting a philosopher-of-the-day from your 60 Existential Coaching Philosophy Cards will do the trick. There's nothing gimmicky from either knowing your purpose or being cool with your sense of purposelessness. With Existential Coaching you'll know what deep actually means.